Shoot the Governor

Yes, you heard me. I want to shoot the Governor.

That doesn’t mean I’ll do it, just something I’ve been ruminating on since I was forced to go through the third degree when I went to buy some Sudafed at the grocery store. The new LAW requires that I provide my license and buy this over-the-counter medication from a pharmacist, because I might take 1 or 2 packages of Sudafed and a bottle of Draino and turn my VAN into a METH LAB.

It really bunches my girdle to have to submit to an interrogation, sign my name, take off my shoes and place any sharp items in my pockets into a basket before swearing on a stack of bibles that i will only use this medication for its stated purpose: SO I CAN BREATHE! Hell, I was heading to work the other day and all congested and went into one of the 50,000 Walgreen’s stores in the major metropolitan area, and I couldn’t buy any because they needed a freaking pharmacist to issue it. I guess they trust the girl who opens the store with $100,000 of merchandise, but she might just turn into a fucking drug dealer if she had access to Sudafed!

It makes me even grouchier than usual, to be insulted by idiotic laws in America. Lawmakers want to regulate and tax everything they can, and then on top of that, when there’s a topic like DRUGS or SEX OFFENDERS they seize on it as a chance to win votes and get re-elected. “YES, you didn’t have a problem with (SEX OFFENDERS/DRUG DEALERS) in your neighborhood, but this nifty law I passed sure sounds good, don’t it?” I don’t CARE a flying Fig Newton if all the drug addicts shoot each other, and overdose on homegrown meth-amphetamines. I just want to pick up a Goddamned package of Sudafed so I can fucking breathe, whenever I need it, wherever it is sold.

DEAR LAWMAKERS, stop taking all the fucking rights away from decent citizens who don’t break the law. Stop assuming that you have to prevent good people from doing stupid things, and wait until we break the law FIRST before you harass us. If I need to give you my blood, my fingerprints, my retinal scan or my fucking DNA, I will do it. We are way past the point where we can debate the fine points of our personal liberties. If you tell me that I need a national identity card, and I can give you my fingerprints, eye scan and show my license and plane ticket and walk on the plane without a full body cavity search, then tell me what line to stand in to get one. I am on board. Same goes for non-prescription medication. Or, about anything else that will allow upstanding citizens to avoid being treated like criminals.

If thoughts could kill, all you smart-ass lawmakers would be in BIG TROUBLE. You’ll find me in my van, down by the river with a stuffy nose thinking very bad thoughts about all of you. Including our idiot governor!