It appears that Mr. William Bennett, former Secretary of Education and currently a syndicated talk show host, has offended many people by commenting that crime would drop if we aborted black babies. I don’t exactly know who he was including in “we” but that really doesn’t matter. I suspect that he was not formulating an actual plan, although I myself have advocated dumping tons of RU-486 into the water supply of developing nations, urban centers and France. I suspect instead that he was stating an obvious fact, which is a majority of prisoners happen to be of the African American persuasion. While it may be statistically correct, it seems many feel this was inappropriate in the extreme.

Bennett is under fire for saying Wednesday that “you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down.” He followed this by adding that such a thing would be “an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do.”

In order to make the most of this situation, Mr. Bennett is now going to be a spokesman for “T-Shirt Hell”.

Arrrrrrrrrrgh!

Monday is “[fark]Talk Like A Pirate Day“, matey! Secure your aft portholes, and raise the Jolly Roger!

So, I understand that Dumbledore dies on page 596 in the latest Harry Potter tome. It’s about time they admitted this fact. I watched the first movie (through someone’s dining room window, since I live in a VAN and didn’t have cable that year), and the actor was this one guy, and then I watched the third movie and realized that it wasn’t even the same guy. It appears Dumbledore died between books two and three, and there was a big cover-up.

I read the first book, “Harry Potter and the Gallstones of Death”, only because I was stuck at the bus stop and had nothing better to do for fifteen minutes. I never read the second one, “Harry Potter and the Chamberpot of Fire” or “Harry Potter and the French Tutor”, let alone the others. I think there are about seven or eight by now. I think they started going downhill with, “Harry Potter and the Nyquil Halucinations.” Just do like I do and wait for the neighbors to rent the movies on DVD… don’t rush to Amazon.com to buy whatever the latest one is called, “Harry Potter and the Half-Assed Excuse for a Book,” I think. Remember, women don’t like men who read, and especially not ones who read 8th grade fantasy novels about a pubescent warlock and his little pals at boarding school.

I have to buy me one of these T-shirts, and wear it to the next Dr. Grouchy movie night at the elementary school.

I have to say, I am amazed that the Creationists are getting all the press with their promotion to force schools into teaching “Intelligent Design” in the classroom. There are many other “belief-based” theories, which equally well cook up complicated reasons for why some big Santa Claus type god has felt the need to fool people into believing the Earth is 4.6 billion years old when it is clearly documented in a book to be only about 6500 years young!

We need to make room for even more “theories” which are based on really good rationalizations, especially ones like this. Check out the Flying Spaghetti Monster “Theory”.

On Tuesday, during the space shuttle launch, NASA released footage showing a piece of foam hitting the shuttle. Upon closer inspection, it was discovered to be a giant Taco Bell foam finger.

I was driving my van to work this morning, and ended up sitting in traffic behind a Grand Prix with a cross-eyed fish on the bumper. I was trying to figure out if that was some kind of evil voodo symbol. Then, once I get to McDonald’s, I notice this picture of Senator Arlen Specter in the West Colona Gazette. There’s something evil about this new persona he’s taken on that I can’t quite put my finger on.

Another sticker for my van. Who do you think about when faced with a bid decision? I face big decisions all the time, like, “Should I get extra bacon with that?” Or, “Do you think she’s eighteen?” ~grouchy

A new bumper sticker I put on my van today…

Evil is afoot!

Or, more accurately, an eye… Check out this image from the Hobbit Space Telescope.

Dr. Grouchy feels that this is clear evidence that The Eye of Sauron is peering out of the abyss. Where are all the Hobbits now that we need them? Didn’t they all end up going to Japan at the end of that movie?