Diets Give You A Fat Ass!

Scientists have proven beyond all doubt that God is dead, homeopathic medicine is a hoax, prayer doesn’t work and women who refuse to have gratuitous sex with Dr. Grouchy are lesbians… What next? Well, the largest study of weight loss has shown DIETS DON’T WORK!

Big fucking surprise, folks!

I TOLD YOU SO!! I TOLD YOU SO!! I TOLD YOU SO!! I TOLD YOU SO!! I TOLD YOU SO!! I TOLD YOU SO!! I TOLD YOU SO!!

In fact, they make you FATTER! If you exercise at the level that God The Great Spaghetti Monster intended, you can pretty much eat what you are hungry for and not be obese. If you sit in front of your computer all day, and play video games all night, while eating nachos and Diet Coke, you are going to be FAT. Geesh!

Let me emphasize again, Diet Coke (diet sodas with Nutrasweet) is not healthy for you, and it will eventually be proven that it causes cancer and rectal bleeding and makes you even FATTER than if you drank nothing at all (try water, it’s not bad!)

Oh, speaking of water, bottled water is for pussies! It amazes me how some people got together and decided they could invent a new product and people would want to buy it – and pay top dollar for it too! Bottled water almost always comes from processing facilities that also supply city water supplies. The tap water is usually no different than the bottled water, except it don’t cost you no $2.99 to take a sip from the drinking fountain.

Just follow the Dr. Grouchy, patented, weight loss program of VIGOROUS CALISTENICS. You will be much better off! I swear, or my name ain’t Dr. Grouchy, Ph.D.!!