The World Through Rosie-Colored Glasses
I work for a living. I’m not some rich chicken rancher, or housewife just sitting around all day painting my toenails. I don’t have the luxury of sitting on the couch at 9:00 in the morning, eating bon bons and watching “The View”. My sources tell me that the host of the show is no longer Star Jones, which is too bad, since I once dated Star Jones when she looked good. (Although the good doctor may come across like a fat, old wino, he swims across the Mississippi twice each morning before a breakfast of catfish and eggs - which is why he still maintains his James Bond physique.) Well, I’d never date Rosie. She wouldn’t have much use for a heterosexual stud like myself… and I don’t intentionally date chicks with their huevos on the outside, if you know what I mean.
So, this Rosie O’Donnell used to be a professional softball player, until she started hitting the twinkies too hard. (I managed to say rosie, ball and hard in a single sentence!) I think she and Madonna were playing on the same team for a while, until Madonna underwent surgery to become Jewish. Rosie used to have her own TV show, with her own special audience. After that ended, she was depressed and you know how women are when they get depressed… I heard she ran a Schwan’s truck off the road for a case of Rocky Road ice cream.
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